the weekend update

Hello all, Nice to see you again.

I really appreciate you coming along to visit my blog. Thank you very much

My weekend went by quite fast. Mostly due to my only waking up yesterday (Sunday) at 2pm lol I must have needed the sleep.

It all started off well. I joined some friends on Saturday in attending a rock gig. Playing at the gig was a band I used to follow, but due to the fact they sounded real bad and tension had formed with them and friendships had turned sour, I left them to their own thing. On Friday however, I was prepared to give them another shot to see if they had improved their performance. They still sucked. Each to their own, but I enjoy good music. I went to the gig with two close friends Kate and Chris, two friends that I don’t really see often enough, but plan to in the future.

The gig went well overall, met up with Chris and Kate a bit early at the venue and had a laugh and a drink and went to get seats outside, as the gig was outside of the club. My ex and her friends arrived shortly afterwards and sat somewhere else. I got occasional looks from her as the night went by, which didn’t really bother me as I was having a laugh. Miss Purple was there (as mentioned in previous blogs), she came over to say hello and tried to make small talk. Asking questions like Why I had left without saying goodbye the previous week (she was off talking to others and I had had enough of tweedle dum (my ex) and her friend tweedle dee). She also asked if I was going to her housewarming. I had already promised Kate and Chris that I’d be sleeping over at theirs, plus it would have been awkward with my ex and her friends going also.

As the night went on, Chris had to leave to go and attend his mate’s party, which left me in Kate’s company. She has a thing of getting quite close and touchy, which confused me at first, but not for long as she spouted out all night long how much she loved Chris. I think she was sat so close to annoy my ex, as my ex had called her some names in the past. It worked. My ex text me if I was seeing her, which made us both laugh. There is no way I’d date a friend’s girlfriend especially one as good as Chris and she definitely isn’t my type. Kate is a rock chick, but dresses real gothic and smokes a bit too much. We have a laugh though and I consider her to be a good friend. It was good to see my ex jealous, even though I hadn’t planned on it. I text her back saying nothing was going on and that I couldn’t believe she had even asked lol

The night went on and I got wasted and had a laugh with kate and then we went back to hers for some more drinks with her and he brother and his mates. Everything was alright apart from the average testosterone show you normally get with teenage boys trying to show off to their female visitors. Quite like how gorillas would fight off new contender’s to keep their place as leader of the pack. Kate’s brother tried in vein to make fun of me, but I gave as good as I got and equally made fun of him, which at one point I thought he was going to start a fight and he was a big and muscly dude, but he just sulked off somewhere. Must have been the beer giving me some courage.

After I had proved that I was in no way one to mess with and my place in the household leader board was set, I settled down for drinks with the other teens and got to know them and had a chat with Kate and one of her next door neighbours outside of the house in the back garden. Chris came back later one and we retired to the living room and watched Silence of the Lambs, which was very surreal.

Later on that day, I woke up in a totally alien place. Their house, unknown to me, had three floors. I got lost easily and walked into a bedroom by mistake. I panicked, but I was alright eventually as I got my bearings and just chillaxed on the couch, where I had been sleeping. I also got lost trying to get out of their neighbourhood and to the local shopping centre to catch a bus. My head was elsewhere and I looked a mess, but after trekking and numerous back tracks, I made it out and caught a bus to my ex’s to collect Kallam.

When I got there, I stayed a bit to see how Rhys (my step son) was doing, but also trying to ascertain why my ex was being so nice. A friend of mine seems to think that she wants me back, but I needed to know for sure. When chatting for a bit with her, I came to the conclusion that she might, but I cannot be sure. I’m more naive then most and probably can’t spot the signs, but everything just seemed friendly (which I must admit is weird, especially for my ex who in the past has treated me like something that was on the sole of her shoe). My conclusion, even if she is being nice to get me back, I wouldn’t even entertain the idea. I’ve moved on and realised that whilst we had some good times when we were together, the love that I felt wasn’t as strong in the last year that we were together. I recall many times when we were together, before Kallam was born contemplating ending the relationship, but put the idea on the backburner when Kallam was born.

The day with Kallam went well anyway, I took him to get his hair trimmed. I wanted it cut short, but the ex wanted it just trimmed. For the rest of the day, we spent most of it at mine just messing about and cherishing the time we had together. Normally, I would hate the bus journeys there and back, as they take in excess of an hour each time, but I was surprisingly alright, mostly due to having a new music player/phone. I recently won on auction a Sony Ericsson W850i for an amazing price of £53 and now have all of my songs on it. It makes the trips a whole lot shorter that for sure. I can’t live without my music.

That’s it for now. Update ya later

I still miss my ex.......... but my aims improving

A funny thought just occurred to me, the title of my blog being the thing that triggered it. Others seem to get by in life without any sort of guidance at all, maybe all I need is a wakeup call and write this “instruction book” for myself, make my own guide to how I want my life to be. I need a checklist on what I want to accomplish. To start off with here are the things I want to do within this year:

1. Lower my outgoings (debts and whatnots)

2. After clearing debts, get driving. Not being able to drive is becoming an inconvenience now and I’d love nothing more than to travel the country to see people I’ve met online or just to go to see people in the neighbouring town of a night and not have to worry about catching a bus.

3. Maybe find my own place. This will all depend on my financial situation after clearing debts.

4. Maybe get a new job. Totally bored in my present one. Either get a new job or seek promotion.

It’s going to take some work, but hopefully, I’ll be sorted soon. I’m at a low point and I just need to keep saying to myself “I will be a success in all aspects”. Well, maybe not them words exactly, but something along the lines.

Back to the blog anyway. The recent weeks been a testing one. I had a spat with my ex again, but I’m starting to think I was the unreasonable one. I text her that I couldn’t have Kallam for a full weekend because there wasn’t enough space in my bedroom for the cot. She took this badly as if she wanted desperately for me to mind Kallam. So much so that she even said “have him the weekend or not see him ever again”. This turn of events can be summed up by the saying “hoisted by my own petard”. I actually cried during this argument and at the thought of losing Kallam. She also called me every nasty name under the sun. She also said to watch my back whenever I am out in public. This just goes to show how nasty and manipulative she is. All backed up by her friend, as mentioned in previous posts. Every time I phone she is heard in the background relaying to my ex what she should say to me. That is why I resort to texting. It’s easier and gets the message across without having to shout.

I backed down in the end, as the thought of not seeing Kallam again had me sobbing uncontrollably. We came to a compromise agreement that I was to have him Saturday night only. I set quickly about finding room for the cot. It was hard, in the end I had to totally rearrange my bedroom and get rid of some furniture. It fit, just about, but leaving no access to the other side of the room. It was alright in my view just as long as I got to see Kallam and not having to go through legal proceedings to do so in the future. Seeing Kallam again after all this drama was wonderful. It was like I lost him for a brief moment when I hadn’t. I spent all day indoors with him cherishing ever moment with him. He is my world. His laugh fills me with joy and seeing how he is progressing makes me a very proud father.

Kallam woke up at 5am on Sunday, just like he used to when I lived with my ex and so I was expecting this. We both went downstairs and watched Cbeebies, a children’s channel on TV. It brought back memories of when I would spend time with him for most of the day just watching TV and playing around on the floor. When the time came for Kallam to be collected by my ex and her trusty sidekick, they were late. Three hours late to be exact. They were supposed to pick him up at 2pm, but arrived at 5pm. The supposed reason being that her friend, who has the car, had to walk across town to get her car, but got lost and lost her keys. Whether this is the truth or whether they were doing something else and making up some sort of story is not known. I tend to think that they do this to test me and use me. Either way when they eventually turned up, I was sad to see Kallam go.

It’s fair to say that all this agro that she is putting me though is making my life just that bit harder to live. I’m trying my best not to resort to drinking. It’s no way to go, but I find myself whenever I am out drinking too much, but not so much that I am unable to get home or make a fool of myself. I realise this and I will get out of doing this and will just drink a little socially. I also won’t let her get the best of me, I won’t let her get me down and by golly I will be the better man and not rise to her torment and will not let her use me.

I’ve not yet finished touching up my pictures from Scotland, but after nit picking at them a bit longer I’ll post them all in a slideshow.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with an excellent advert my good friend Emma did for me. Its excellent and is much appreciated.

While your at it, you can check out her blog by clicking the pic below.

Lunar Lunacy

Everyone knows theres some idiots out there, but this one takes the biscuit. The moon was mistaken for a "bright, stationary" UFO which had been loitering for at least half an hour, by a confused local in South Wales who made a 999 call to the police. Ok, the only similarity I see is that its in the sky and is bright lol. Some people can be extremely dumb. Other bizarre calls cited by the police force included someone asking for help voting for Rhydian a contestant on The X-Factor and another requesting a pound coin for their supermarket trolley. Conclusion: Some Brits are dumb.

Latest news: I'm overcoming my confidence issue more then expected. I seem to be coming out of my shell a lot lately and I feel really good about myself. I'm realising this bit by bit as the days go by, mostly through noticing that I'm talking to more people without threating over saying the right words and more recently phoning someone I have the hots for, who i met over the net and have been flirting with since around Nov 07. It was a big thing and I was told I came across quite well. Sucess! lol

My ex messed me about again today. *sigh* The story goes as follows: I realised early morning that there was no where to take the kids. This was due to the fact that all my family members had plans and plus it was raining heavily. I therefore phoned her to ask if it was possible to have the kids next weekend. This caused a tirade of nasty texts to be returned. Eventually, i phoned her and came to an agreement that I would take the kids for her for four hours at the local kids play area I've mentioned in previous posts and that she would pay. She seemed quite desperate to get rid of the kids, even though it was only for four hours. Five mins after collecting the kids we had a text argument (we text more then phoning, always have), which went like this:

EX: "C U at usual time 5. Take them park" (its weird how that little text caused me to go from calm to angry in a very little timeframe.)

ME: "How dare you change the time after I took the kids off you. That is not on. As the limbo players say, How low can you go?" (i thought that was a good retaliation at the time. sounds childish now)

EX: "lower then you mal. Your a selfish guy"

ME: "How dare you turn this around so I am the bad one. Its all you, you bitch"

EX: "bring them bk at 3pm, i am running late as it is"

ME: "No, 2pm, like we agreed"

EX: "I said 2.30pm. It cums to sum things wen i have to force you to have your own son"

ME: "No, its being reasonable, not forcing. Them glasses you have are obviously bitch goggles, you see stuff which ain't right" (i felt this was OTT and sad, but i was really angry)

EX: "lmao, you are so sad" (sad = lame, I agree that last comment was lame lol)

ME: "you are sadder then sad" (even lamer I know. I was fuming mad at this point)

EX: "take kids park till 4pm"

ME: "no, you said 2.30pm and that is what time I'm bringing them back, like it or not. Its been raining and the park will be wet".

EX: "it won't be mal. I've gota do two more trips"

ME: "yes, it will. It rained quite hard before. Will be taking them yours at 2.30pm, be there." (It felt good texting be there. Quite like a hollywood film)

EX: "k***head"

ME: "will you be there or not"

EX: "no, but my fella will be there" (first time shes ever referred to her "lodger" as being her fela breakthough in closure methinks)

ME: "will be there in a mo"

I got to her house after a long bus ride to be greeted by "her fella". Its good to finally label him, as for a long time he has just been a good friend, although I knew that he was seeing her and living with her. He doesn't seem a good enough role model for my son or stepson. Worse thing is i can't hate him. Hes cool. He goes concerts, he likes gaming and he has an ok personality. He seems to be a lounge about and a scrounger though which is bad. I remind myself though its her thats causing me the grief and so i should focus my defences and counter attacks at her if needs be.

Anyways, when i drop kids off, she is in her pyjamas and chilling with her friend Amy (as mentioned in previous blog about hospital trip). Seems that she has been at home all day. Which seems to back up my assumption that she lies to me and uses me.....a lot. Not good.

Anyways, that was today over with. A nightmare of a day followed by a highlight tonight of finally talking to an online friend over the telephone. It was cool.

I'll leave you with this funny pic i found online entitled "If your ex girlfriend had an IMDB page". Its quite suitable but not all of it relates tome. i hope it gives you readers some giggles.