Back to the Past - part 2

Heres the second installment of my blogs from 2005. It seems so long ago now, almost as if looking back through different eyes. If i only knew then what i know now things would be so much different. This blog entry however never got published, the reason why escapes me, but maybe at the time I didn't feel like publishing it on the forum i used to visit. Here it is anyway.

Yet Another Entry (Draft)

Posted by Mal , 22 Mar 2005, 11:36 PM

Hi all, another entry here. Not much happening. My life is non-eventful. The regular occurrences that define boredom. But hey, it will do for now until something exciting comes along.

The divorce petition was sent to my ex in tx. Fair to say she wasn't happy at all with some of the reasons for divorce I put down in it. Mainly it was a list of all her flaws and bad points that she had while we were married. I didn't even know the exact list was going to be sent. I found out when I got messages saying "PHONE ME NOW!" and "WE NEED TO TALK". Fair to say I was a bit hesitant and crapping my pants when worrying about phoning. When I phoned she was in angry/crying mode. I tried to explain and calm her down. I apologised profusely, but nothing seemed to do the trick. Apparently, even though I said what I said, she would still fly over here to be with me, but I am set on the single life and our time in the sun has eclipsed.

That’s the exiting/nervous/sad part done, as for the rest of my time, I have been on the net talking to friends, playing online pool, playing on my new demolition derby game while thrashing out to rock. (rock on).

Life’s hard at home at the moment. Is has been 4 years this month since my mother died. It was her birthday, Mothers day and the date she died all in one month, being March. Safe to say it is not my favourite month. My dad is on a low because of it. He seems too fragile when it comes to do with anything like that. The poison he has chosen is Whisky. Yuck. Whenever I get upset, I just close down and withdraw, I don't drink. It is not even a way out, it is more like a tranquiliser. Anyways, seeing him acomatosed on the floor every night is not good to see and it always gets me upset. In a way I want to move out and get a place on my own, and in a way I don’t because it would upset my dad while he is going though stages like this.

I can say with some certainty that I am not saddened anymore by the passing of my mother, which is weird cause I was the closest to her during the final years, or maybe that is why I am not phased by it. My dad and brother I think took it the worst as they weren’t getting on. Will have to get something good to take to the cemetery for the grave.

Work is good. Got my pace of work set now to a timed perfection, but with a few mistakes, will have to work on it. My wrist has started to hurt when I overuse it, or rotate (like turning a key or pouring something). I bought a support on the net, but it seems it is a weightlifting support and doesn't really help. I think I have carpel tunnel syndrome or something.

Taking driving lessons at the moment. I did take some like two years ago, but I am desperate to get them finished so I can get the test done so I can get a car eventually. It will open opportunities for me. I enjoy driving, but when I make a mistake, I lock up and make more accidentally, I need to work on that.As for relationships - non-existent. I am trying to get out and socialise, but it seems hard to do, as I have no friends. They all left to go and do their own thing. (not my type anyway). The only one I go out for a night out with is Key (Cieran) my sister’s hubby. He is cool. A guitar enthusiast loves to jam with his guitar, and he likes rock music like me. Bit of a neat freak but he is a good laugh. He only seems to go out on a Tuesday for an Acoustic Night at a local pub. A bad day for me as I work the day after, would prefer a Friday or Saturday, but hey I am getting out. Just need to find the courage now to approach people and talk. Is hard to do, when your confidence has been knocked down by bad neighbours and bad arguments with lovers and family. (but I guess I am just making excuses for myself, I shouldn't really). I should make more of an effort.

Need to free up some space on my comp. My song total now is over 1,000 and it is slowing my comp down a lot. Might see about putting them all on disc, or getting more memory. I'm just a music freak. The bands I am listening to recently are Franz Ferdinand, The Killers, Ram Jam, Jet, The Bravery and more. All Rock of course, wouldn't have it any other way. (sorry the bananaman is cool)