a more confident me

A fact about me: I am not that confident. Its a well known fact, one that burdens me with my day to day lifestyle. I've taken a step back recently and took in the big picture and taken a closer look on how to improve myself, as I seem to be in a ditch after bad things happening recently, and the only way out is to improve.

When looking at myself, I notice my conversational skills are not what they should be. This is because whilst other teens and younglings were practicing all their convo skills, I was stuck indoors for most of my childhood, mostly listening to Beatles and messing about with computer games, all due to moving house when I was about 10. Not knowing anyone and not getting out as much as our previous home due to living on a main road, meant I was indoors for quite a while. It wasn't until I was 16 and starting high school that I started leaving the house and venturing off with friends from school.

The lack of progress in being able to converse sticks with me to this day. Whilst I have improved, I still lack the ability to maintain a conversation for a length of time. I always walk away instead of carrying on the small talk with work mates. I hardly ever go over to people and start a chat, its most of the time them that come to me. It frustrates me a lot. Like for instance, when I was on lunch the other day with someone who i hadn't really spoke to, I found it hard to speak to them, so I didn't I just sat there reading, I got frustrated. don't ask why, because I don't know.

Starting from today, I am going to set out to take baby steps to improve my social skills. I'm actually going to interact and from trying to I will bit by bit get better. Tonight is a gig, a big one with plenty of people. Taking it one step at a time, I'm going to try and get involved in conversations, listen and give input thats funny and serious. Wish me luck. Any advice or comments will be much appreciated.

VID: Sam Sparro - Black and Gold

heres an amazing song thats managed to entwine itself in my braincells and won't get out of my head. Its a catchy soulful song and it makes me feel groovy. wanted to share it with all of yas.

Its all about the foos baby

So back with the updates, instead of emotional uploading.

The highlight of the past two weeks was going to see the Foo Fighters. What a band. I had been anxiously waiting to see them for half a year after booking tickets to see them well in advance.

I took the day off work. This was mostly because the gates opened at 4pm and i wanted to get a good spec to see them from. I arranged with Al to go to his to chill before setting off to pick Andy up at mine. When i was at Als i had a go on his Wii and watched him play World of Warcraft, which looks like a fun game. I got a bit upset and frustrated when i tried to play guitar hero on the wii, but couldn't get the timing right. I blamed it on the controller.

For those who don't know, Andy is my dad's girlfriend's son. From somewhere in Scotland no less. I think its a place called Goreybridge, a small village somewhere near glasgow i think. Either way its cool to have some Scots living with us. It was quite hard to understand them at first, but I am a fast learner and quickly adapted to their accents.

As the time drew nearer, we set off to go and pick Andy up. Whilst on the way to Manchester we blasted out tunes from a Floorfillers CD al had in his car. We had a good sing along and made good entertainment on the long trip.

We got there and quickly found our way to the arena. It was held at the Manchester City Arena and it was huge! We parked the car and went for a snack at McDonalds and so did many other concert goers.

We lined up to go into the concert and upon entering the arena, we were gobsmacked by how big it was and twice as amazed when looking at the stage. We shuffled through the croweds who were congregated near the stage and moved several times trying to get a good space to stand for the 7 hours we would be standing non stop. We eventually found a place and as the time for the band approached we made our way closer.

Two hours later, enough time for the masses to make their way into the arena, The Futureheads came on stage, and rocked out big style. I used to like them, but when seeing them again playing decent music, i am a renewed fan. They were amazing. I knew all the words too when many hadn't listened to them. Made me feel special. Doesn't take much.

After the Futureheads, I had noticed something going on behind us and on the other side of the stadium. Bottles were flying over the crowd. They were having a full on bottle war. I thanked myself lucky for not being over on that side, which we were thinking of being there at the start. Everyone was hyped after seeing the first band and we eventually got speaking to the people around us.

The Manic Street Preachers were next and again, i found myself singing and knowing all the words. They showed the crowd why they have stood the test of time and I loved it. They belted out classics and new songs that got the crowd jumping and dancing. amazing!

After they had finished though, the bottle war had started on our side. One man in particular close to us decided to be hoisted above the crowd to jeer the throw-ees, and then the bottles came, some with beer or water in them causing us to get soaked. One even hit me on the side of my faced. A bit dazed. I threw a couple back and hid under my jacket. Some long lost war instinct took over and i started to look for incoming projectiles and throwing them back. It was annoying how the teens started to throw them trying to hurt people.

Most didn't notice, but i had been keeping an eye out, but the Foo Fighters took to the stage and everyone stopped bottle throwing and as soon as they sang the first line of The Pretender, the crown surged forward. We instantly were trapped in a vice and couldn't move. Spotty teens were pushing us against other spotty teens, who were in turn pushing us back. Andy popped his shoulder out of place in the process and we were concerned about our own wellbeing. I nearly went over because i couldnt gain balance because my feet were together due to there not being any space at all. I made the decision to push our way out from the front and to the side so that we could at least watch the band and not be concerned about being trampled on.

When we got to safer ground we enjoyed the foos in all their glory. Dave Grohl was his own charismatic self and in between songs made the crowd laugh with his witty talk and quirkyness. He even took the time to go and kiss his daughter who was just off stage with big earphones on. It showed that he was human and not just a rock god everyone makes him out to be.

The night left us with sore throats and sore legs, but with a sense of fun and euthoria. We really enjoyed ourselves, but stated that if we go another one, it'd be further back in the crowd or in seated areas. We then made it back home with no problems at all.

Apart from the concert, its just been the same old. Work, kids at the weekend and money problems, but overall its been a good month.

I'll update when i have more news.