Smells Like Xmas Spirit

Me (aged 5?) with my best friend at the time, Old St Nick

The time is almost upon us when we swap presents, reunite with family and friends and everyone seems to be happy. Yet still, I find it increasingly hard to get into the spirit of things.... maybe its because I am single again with no family of my own any more to come home to after work, or put decorations up, to see excitement in their faces every day.. it puts a dampener on things and is like a dark cloud hanging over my heart. As does thinking about those not so fortunate, those who are homeless, have no families, those who suffer from day to day with no jobs or homes. My thoughts go out to them.

I want my son Kallam to get everything I did as a child, plenty of toys and all the sweets he can eat. In many ways I was spoilt and got nearly everything I wanted as a child. I now appreciate the effort my parents put into giving me the latest toy I was into just to make me happy. Now I want to do the same for my son, especially with me not being around as much since me and my ex split up back in March. I've bought him something already, but will buy more just before Christmas when I get paid. On an afterthought though, I definately do not want him to be as spoilt as I was, not taking getting toys for granted and knowing he'll get anything he wishes. It will be something I will work out as time passes, i'm sure.

As for recent events, Its been same old i'm afraid. Not much to report on. This weekend however I was asked to go out on the town by a friend and he said he would give me £10. How could I refuse?! I went out into the misty cold night with my friends going from club to club and had a good night. Can't ask for more then that. The next day I had my son, Kallam and Rhys for the day and minded them over night to give my ex a break, as she has been having a bad time with her relationship and her dad, who is terminally ill. Its the least i could do. It was good to have them, but equally stressfull. We had a great time though and it was good to spend the next morning with them watching childrens cartoons and chilling feeling that I am the luckiest guy around for having just a brilliant son. He means the world to me.

I am approaching the end of a great book series called The Dark Tower by Stephen King. Its been my reader's digest for over a year now and i've been hooked. Its all building to a climax. To explain the story would take forever. Click the link above for a wiki on it though. What is good about it is that its basically a fantasy/western epic story, which is set in the future. It follows the main character's journey to save the universe from evil by reaching The Dark Tower. He is aided along the way by three people, who are from a parallel universe, who he trains up to be gunslingers like himself. I'm totally emmersed in it and I am enjoying it so much. It will be sad to put it down after reading it all. I hope there is not an anti climax at the end... I will write a review on the whole series soon.

That is it for now. I will write another blog in the not so distant future.

Another much anticipated blog entry from me. (>>i created the pic to the leftt. Great innit :¬D)

Recently been feeling the need to move on with my life, get some motion going instead of being stationary at a pit stop with no engineers. The pit stop being my dad’s house. I started my adult life there moving out with my now ex, had a family and it all fell through and then with an emotional car crash of a heart I went back to my dad’s for a pit stop.

It never meant to be a permanent stay and after more than half a year, I think it’s time to move on. To where though? With property prices rising and rising, even property to let prices are sky high, checked one a couple of weeks back and the rent was unaffordable for me. I guess I should keep looking. Then there’s the cold empty loneliness that will be there whenever I go to this new accommodation. That in itself does not seem inviting. With living with my dad and his girlfriend, I at least have the company if needed. I seem to be wanting to move on but with nowhere to move on to. I will have to keep searching. Maybe it isn’t the right time yet. Maybe it will all happen in the new year. This year has not been kind to me at all and I want to leave it behind and start with 09 already. Sheesh lol

On a lighter note, Halloween came and went as fast as a speeding train and with it went memories of a good night with friends. I was invited to a good friend’s house for Halloween and they emphasised that it was fancy dress. So, I got to work on figuring out what to go as. I dismissed going as anything too predictable, e.g. a ghost, a vampire, the devil, Dale Winton and opted to go as something cool but still scary. I decided after a few days of intense pondering, to go as The Punisher. The Marvel character seemed ideal, with a big scary skull on his front, guns, a leather knee length coat and overall just seemed bad ass. I already had the leather coat, thanks to my dad buying one way back when and all I needed was the skull t-shirt.

Being the kind of laid back guy I am I left it to last minute and ordered one through play.com, but with two days to go to Halloween I was panicking. The costume all depended on this t-shirt. I decided to make my own just to be safe. I printed off the skull picture and enlarged it to A3 (twice the size of normal paper, not sure on US size of paper). Then I went and bought some thick white fabric. I cut out the skull logo and pinned it onto the fabric and cut out the skull. It turned out to be quite enjoyable and not as hard as I first thought. I then got my dad’s girlfriend to stitch it onto an old t shirt and the deed was done. The end product looked amazing. I felt accomplished and decided to wear the t-shirt no matter what, even if the t-shirt I ordered came in the post. (which it did yesterday – it looked below average compared to my home made one)

Halloween eventually turned up and I went straight after work to my friends house and chilled there for a bit and got dressed into my Halloween gear. They all commented on how bad ass it looked and I was well proud. The guests turned up one by one, their costumes ranging from The Hulk (painted green and ripped clothes lol I just had to laugh), a guy dressed in girls lingerie, and witches and devils. Unfortunately, my ex and her friend was there, but after a few drinks and staying in a different room I was the life of the party and had a laugh with those around me. I enjoyed it mucho.

The day after I was a bit worse for wear, but I pulled myself together after a few cups of coffee and a few bananas. I went to pick my son up and had a great day at my sisters. Hes getting to be a little cheeky now, grrring and smiling his face off. Gotta love him; he means the world to me and I can’t imagine life now without him. I could write a whole blog about how he makes my life worthwhile, or perhaps how his smile brightens my day, how proud of him I am, or maybe all these things. I however will not write these things, but will let them out occasionally in blog posts, as too much adoration can spoil things.

Sunday was spent going to see my nephew play rugby. (Thats him in black to the right fighting a losing battle of getting the ball past the opposition. I took many photos that day, most of which are in my facebook, so i cannot link to them unfortunately.) He has major potential, with enough encouragement to be a big league rugby star. He carries his team, tackling and scoring more than the others and he is often in the paper. Having effectively brought him up with my sister when she was a single mum, I feel in a way as if he was my own and I am proud of him. He is a bit misguided when out with friends as we all are at that age (13), however I try to give advice where and when I can. Not to mention my niece Jade (16) who I am also proud of. She is doing well at school and is about to go on to college. She’s got a well developed personality and is very mature. I told her the other day how the whole family are proud of her in a heartfelt internet convo and I meant every word. (she probably thought I was drunk or something or off my rocker lol)

That’s about it for an update. Will update when I have some news.

as the world goes round.

A little ditty to start this blog off:

As the world goes round
The worlds in depression
I get the impression
its time to leave this town

As the world goes round
crisis of the financial
the worlds gone mad
its time to keep feet on the ground

As the world goes round
people are thankful
for what they have
frantically cherishing every pound

Hi there, hope you enjoyed my little ode to current events. Felt creative there for some reason.

I've had bloggers block....... yes it sounds painfull, but no its just lack of things to put in this here blog. Somethings better then nothing i've realised. So thoughts and ramblings I am going to share with you from now on as well as what goes on in my life

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Lately, has been uneventful.... a good start i know, but bare with me. My weeks are routine consisting of going to work and going home and spending the nights watching TV or going online. Its a good life and boredom doesn't bother me. I have a high tollerance for it. Its only when i come to write about my goings on that i get frustrated of being able to share nothing.

Recnently however, things are starting to happen. My dad and his girlfriend are currently en route to Scotland for a trip leaving me by myself for the entire weekend. Good or bad news....hmm, well now i get to not breathe in their smog as they puff ciggarettes every waking second or hear their bickering as they sip their whiskey of a night. So yeah, its excellent news.

I had plans this month. To get my boy's Christmas presents in, to get myself a PS3 or at least put some money away for one and to get some forms sent off for a new Provisional Driving licence. None of these have come to pass due to money restrictions i'm afraid to say. So yet again, they are put on the back burner until next month. Fingers crossed. Instead this month, i've been purchasing the odd piece of clothing that i think would suit me, but at the same time being reasonably priced. I seemed to have done a great job so far. No one will notice that the clothing i wear only cost me about £5 per item. I ain't big on spending loads on brand names. As long as i look good and feel comfy then whats the problem.

I had a deviant spell today. I needed to return some jeans to ASDA (our version of Walmart), but the cashier wouldn't take them back without a receipt. What was i supposed to do, just wear them and suck it in. They wouldn't even zip up when i tried them on at home (serves me right for not trying them on in the store when i bought them). I thus continued to gather the correct jeans from the rack that i wanted, took them into the changing rooms and swapped them there and then with the smaller jeans swapping tags and so on. ( i know, i know, its illegal, but i was fuming). I casually then walked out of the changing rooms, put the used jeans up on the hanger and walked out of the store whilst looking all paranoid, as us non-shoplifters do. I felt real guilty about it, but accomplished. I had visions of laughing in that cashier's face. HA!

anyways. Will leave it at that. Best wishes to my friend Emma who has been feeling under the weather lately. Hope you feel yourself soon.

Update ya later.

Listen up ok? its Blog Action Day!

Its an important present crisis in the world that needs to be recognised and a solution needs to be found for it.

That is the plan for the folks over at http://blogactionday.org/. Today more then 10.000 sites will participate in posting articles about a big global issue , about poverty. Their goal is to assign a DAY in a year when everybody should talk, write, read about a big global issue, about poverty. With even blogs like this we can make a bigger impact in transiting the message: we should act NOW in helping people and countries that are in poverty.

If you own a blog of your own, do your bit and mention poverty and your views. Thank you.

Back to the Past - part 2

Heres the second installment of my blogs from 2005. It seems so long ago now, almost as if looking back through different eyes. If i only knew then what i know now things would be so much different. This blog entry however never got published, the reason why escapes me, but maybe at the time I didn't feel like publishing it on the forum i used to visit. Here it is anyway.

Yet Another Entry (Draft)

Posted by Mal , 22 Mar 2005, 11:36 PM

Hi all, another entry here. Not much happening. My life is non-eventful. The regular occurrences that define boredom. But hey, it will do for now until something exciting comes along.

The divorce petition was sent to my ex in tx. Fair to say she wasn't happy at all with some of the reasons for divorce I put down in it. Mainly it was a list of all her flaws and bad points that she had while we were married. I didn't even know the exact list was going to be sent. I found out when I got messages saying "PHONE ME NOW!" and "WE NEED TO TALK". Fair to say I was a bit hesitant and crapping my pants when worrying about phoning. When I phoned she was in angry/crying mode. I tried to explain and calm her down. I apologised profusely, but nothing seemed to do the trick. Apparently, even though I said what I said, she would still fly over here to be with me, but I am set on the single life and our time in the sun has eclipsed.

That’s the exiting/nervous/sad part done, as for the rest of my time, I have been on the net talking to friends, playing online pool, playing on my new demolition derby game while thrashing out to rock. (rock on).

Life’s hard at home at the moment. Is has been 4 years this month since my mother died. It was her birthday, Mothers day and the date she died all in one month, being March. Safe to say it is not my favourite month. My dad is on a low because of it. He seems too fragile when it comes to do with anything like that. The poison he has chosen is Whisky. Yuck. Whenever I get upset, I just close down and withdraw, I don't drink. It is not even a way out, it is more like a tranquiliser. Anyways, seeing him acomatosed on the floor every night is not good to see and it always gets me upset. In a way I want to move out and get a place on my own, and in a way I don’t because it would upset my dad while he is going though stages like this.

I can say with some certainty that I am not saddened anymore by the passing of my mother, which is weird cause I was the closest to her during the final years, or maybe that is why I am not phased by it. My dad and brother I think took it the worst as they weren’t getting on. Will have to get something good to take to the cemetery for the grave.

Work is good. Got my pace of work set now to a timed perfection, but with a few mistakes, will have to work on it. My wrist has started to hurt when I overuse it, or rotate (like turning a key or pouring something). I bought a support on the net, but it seems it is a weightlifting support and doesn't really help. I think I have carpel tunnel syndrome or something.

Taking driving lessons at the moment. I did take some like two years ago, but I am desperate to get them finished so I can get the test done so I can get a car eventually. It will open opportunities for me. I enjoy driving, but when I make a mistake, I lock up and make more accidentally, I need to work on that.As for relationships - non-existent. I am trying to get out and socialise, but it seems hard to do, as I have no friends. They all left to go and do their own thing. (not my type anyway). The only one I go out for a night out with is Key (Cieran) my sister’s hubby. He is cool. A guitar enthusiast loves to jam with his guitar, and he likes rock music like me. Bit of a neat freak but he is a good laugh. He only seems to go out on a Tuesday for an Acoustic Night at a local pub. A bad day for me as I work the day after, would prefer a Friday or Saturday, but hey I am getting out. Just need to find the courage now to approach people and talk. Is hard to do, when your confidence has been knocked down by bad neighbours and bad arguments with lovers and family. (but I guess I am just making excuses for myself, I shouldn't really). I should make more of an effort.

Need to free up some space on my comp. My song total now is over 1,000 and it is slowing my comp down a lot. Might see about putting them all on disc, or getting more memory. I'm just a music freak. The bands I am listening to recently are Franz Ferdinand, The Killers, Ram Jam, Jet, The Bravery and more. All Rock of course, wouldn't have it any other way. (sorry the bananaman is cool)