the wrong side of the bed blues

oh, i feel rough. I shouldn't drink so much on a night out. Especially with money being like it is.. The mood of this blog is probably because i'm listening to some depressing songs. Not by choice, as i'm listening to my last.fm player. I typed in beatles, and it gives me artists related to them. totally random.

so yeah, i took last nights drinking quite hard this morning. It didn't seem like i drank much, but i must have got carried away. The contributing factor could be that my ex just happened to be at the same bar i went to. ugh. yeah thats right. Shortly after getting comfortable, i noticed two women lookin quite tweedle dee and tweedle dum, short, fat and a stupid expression on their faces. To make sure i wasn't seeing things, i quickly went to the smoking area to text her asking where she was. I didn't get a chance to as her friend Amy came outside too checking who was out there. She looked at me totally in suprise and as if i was a ghost. I stated quite calmly that i was here to see the band i follow and she was all "oh right". I said tell kay is said hi. Never spoke to her all night but through the night she kept lookin over and acting overly happy talking to people. At this point i just ignored her, but felt her stares digging into the side of my head.

The night went on and the band played an awsome set. Check the bands myspace here: Kessler. After allwas done, i got a lift home and collapsed in bed. I wasn't too happy to be woken up early by a knock at the door by a naughty boy called Daniel.

That brings me onto recent events quite nicely. Since Friday, my dad's girlfriend's daughter, Angie has been staying at our house along with two troublesome kids. I met them on our scotland trip and after meeting them then, i thanked the lord that i didn't have to live in that house with them. She has five in total and they totally run the house. Climbing on counters, jumping on people, always making a mess and general trouble making. Well i got to meet two of them again. Daniel and Kirstin. Daniel, 4 years old, ignoring his angel smile is a little git. He is the devil. He is the chief trouble maker. He knows not what personal space means and goes through anything he can get his hands on and goes places where he should not, mainly my bedroom. I need a lock. Then there is Kirstin, shes 13 i think and shes great. She has Global Development Disorder, which i am not sure what it means, but she is slower then most kids, its not exactly autism i know that for sure. She too has no meaning of personal space. For instance, i was sat there watchin TV and she plonks herself down on my lap. I know i shouldn't complain, but i am not used to it at all and its uncomfortable living with them. She has a thing of walking around the house very quietly, which freaks me out. i'll be happy when they go back up to scotland shortly. :P

As for now, i'll leave you with my all time fave comedian just to add a bit of humour into your lives and to cheer me up. Its Lee Evans, probably the funniest, multi talented, guy i've ever seen. I'd love to meet him one day lol Theres a bit of swearing but its not intense like some 18 rated film or anything. Enjoy

I'm well and truly emodisfunct

I love making new words up. (If you do too, check the new widget I’ve put in the side bar of my blog) Emodisfunct is a word I have just created. It represents that feeling you get when you are confused emotionally and get overly emotional over things. The word can be successfully married up with how I’m feeling right now. The contributing factor, women, as is always the case.

Given the fact that I find it difficult to express emotions due to always locking them up, please bare with me if my explanations and wording is a bit off. This is blog entry that follows suit from a blog I read and enjoy frequently. That is, instead of writing about material things, journeys and work, I’m going to talk about my emotions, feelings and all that stuff.

Firstly, let me take you back three years or so. This was when I met my ex for the first time and as a result, met her friends. Some were good hearted girls and guys but some were just cruel. One of the good ones I made a bond with (lets call her Miss Blue), but a little too late as I’d already made my bed with my ex. She was bubbly and caring, but was at the time infatuated with a local rock star. They broke up a year later, and while out on a bender at a gig I confessed to fancying the pants off her. She took it quite well, but as I was with my ex, she didn’t make any sort of counter move.

We talk frequently online through msn or Facebook again, and I’m glad to say she is happy and content with a guy. What confuses me is that she says that if she was not with him, she’d happily date me. It is safe to say I was quite taken back by it, but why now and what good does it do me? We still talk, but the eventuality that something will happen is not good. It was a crush back but not really had feelings for her for a while, so not sure how I feel about this one. Probably nothing will happen. Miss Blue’s emodisfunct rating: 3

Secondly, this girl was yet another friend I met through my ex. She was quiet and reserved, but caring and mature for her age (lets call her Miss Purple), but I met her a little too late as I’d already made my bed with my ex. On nights out to a local club we got along like a house on fire, we shared music tastes and we could talk for hours. She had a rock look about her, jeans, retro tops, brunette hair and stylish converse shoes. As the years went on I was overjoyed every time she came to visit, well... not overjoyed, but glad to see she was alright.

I found myself gaining an attraction to Miss Purple and I was not able to do anything about it. Now that I am single and noticed she was too after splitting with her boyfriend, I needed to get these feelings off my chest and to see if anything was possible. I expressed my feelings to her over msn chat, as I hardly see her these days but talk infrequently on Facebook or msn. Miss Purple was not really overjoyed herself at the confession and said something along the lines of “but your my friend” and “omg!”. Not quite the response I was looking for. She has been ignoring me since. Miss Purple’s emodisfunct rating: 6 1/2.

And then onto the third “dilemma”, Miss Pink. (she’s probably reading this and in doing so at this point will be paying closer attention). She is the one mostly on my mind, which is evident seeing as though she is last in my list. Miss Pink is one of my blog buddies and I’ve known her for some time now. We’ve helped each other out, given advice and gradually have formed a bond. She is a fabulous friend, one who gives frank advice and listens to my problems. She’s an excellent mother to her two children and takes pride in everything they do. It’s fair to say I’ve never met anyone like her before. She’s really good looking even though she doesn’t like to say so and is also beautiful on the inside (her personality not her intestines) lol. She’s confessed on a number of occasions that she feels the same way. I’d give anything just to have a hug from her. The problem, as she so rightly puts it in her blog, is that there is a very big distance between us. She lives in Leicester and I live near Liverpool, a total distance of 113 miles. That kind of makes the dating thing a problem if we both chose to take things further, which I’d very much like to try. Life’s never fair.

Although, I’d like to just have her attracted to me and only me, the truth is, deep down inside, I know there will be others she will take an interest to while I’m half way across the country. This fact in particular is hard to accept, but one fact I’ll have to accept. I would have expressed these feelings to her in person, but its best she reads them all in one go instead of in little sentences in a chat box. It came as a shock to read about Miss Pink’s other love interests, mostly because I had probably gotten too close to Miss Pink or maybe it was because of the connection we share together. I’m unsure. I hope Miss Pink understands as she reads it. I am not hurt by what she’s written, but have woke up from the dream world where I’m on a pedestal and am the only one she has an interest in, and now understand the truth that I’m not the only one, there are others understandably that she is attracted to. This I should know very well having chosen to write about my interests too. I hope that I’ve made it clear how I feel above. I am in no way hurt or upset, just to make it clear. Miss Pink’s emodisfunct rating: 9 1/2

It is a great way to get things off your chest. I plan to do it more often instead of locking my emotions inside. As for now, i'll leave it at that.

Blog ya later

the promised photos

I still miss my ex.......... but my aims improving

A funny thought just occurred to me, the title of my blog being the thing that triggered it. Others seem to get by in life without any sort of guidance at all, maybe all I need is a wakeup call and write this “instruction book” for myself, make my own guide to how I want my life to be. I need a checklist on what I want to accomplish. To start off with here are the things I want to do within this year:

1. Lower my outgoings (debts and whatnots)

2. After clearing debts, get driving. Not being able to drive is becoming an inconvenience now and I’d love nothing more than to travel the country to see people I’ve met online or just to go to see people in the neighbouring town of a night and not have to worry about catching a bus.

3. Maybe find my own place. This will all depend on my financial situation after clearing debts.

4. Maybe get a new job. Totally bored in my present one. Either get a new job or seek promotion.

It’s going to take some work, but hopefully, I’ll be sorted soon. I’m at a low point and I just need to keep saying to myself “I will be a success in all aspects”. Well, maybe not them words exactly, but something along the lines.

Back to the blog anyway. The recent weeks been a testing one. I had a spat with my ex again, but I’m starting to think I was the unreasonable one. I text her that I couldn’t have Kallam for a full weekend because there wasn’t enough space in my bedroom for the cot. She took this badly as if she wanted desperately for me to mind Kallam. So much so that she even said “have him the weekend or not see him ever again”. This turn of events can be summed up by the saying “hoisted by my own petard”. I actually cried during this argument and at the thought of losing Kallam. She also called me every nasty name under the sun. She also said to watch my back whenever I am out in public. This just goes to show how nasty and manipulative she is. All backed up by her friend, as mentioned in previous posts. Every time I phone she is heard in the background relaying to my ex what she should say to me. That is why I resort to texting. It’s easier and gets the message across without having to shout.

I backed down in the end, as the thought of not seeing Kallam again had me sobbing uncontrollably. We came to a compromise agreement that I was to have him Saturday night only. I set quickly about finding room for the cot. It was hard, in the end I had to totally rearrange my bedroom and get rid of some furniture. It fit, just about, but leaving no access to the other side of the room. It was alright in my view just as long as I got to see Kallam and not having to go through legal proceedings to do so in the future. Seeing Kallam again after all this drama was wonderful. It was like I lost him for a brief moment when I hadn’t. I spent all day indoors with him cherishing ever moment with him. He is my world. His laugh fills me with joy and seeing how he is progressing makes me a very proud father.

Kallam woke up at 5am on Sunday, just like he used to when I lived with my ex and so I was expecting this. We both went downstairs and watched Cbeebies, a children’s channel on TV. It brought back memories of when I would spend time with him for most of the day just watching TV and playing around on the floor. When the time came for Kallam to be collected by my ex and her trusty sidekick, they were late. Three hours late to be exact. They were supposed to pick him up at 2pm, but arrived at 5pm. The supposed reason being that her friend, who has the car, had to walk across town to get her car, but got lost and lost her keys. Whether this is the truth or whether they were doing something else and making up some sort of story is not known. I tend to think that they do this to test me and use me. Either way when they eventually turned up, I was sad to see Kallam go.

It’s fair to say that all this agro that she is putting me though is making my life just that bit harder to live. I’m trying my best not to resort to drinking. It’s no way to go, but I find myself whenever I am out drinking too much, but not so much that I am unable to get home or make a fool of myself. I realise this and I will get out of doing this and will just drink a little socially. I also won’t let her get the best of me, I won’t let her get me down and by golly I will be the better man and not rise to her torment and will not let her use me.

I’ve not yet finished touching up my pictures from Scotland, but after nit picking at them a bit longer I’ll post them all in a slideshow.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with an excellent advert my good friend Emma did for me. Its excellent and is much appreciated.

While your at it, you can check out her blog by clicking the pic below.

Summarising Events

Now, you may all notice I haven’t updated this blog for a bit. There are good reasons for this. Firstly, the amount of events going on has been overwhelming and secondly, I was off gallivanting around Scotland. I’ll try and fit it all into a short and sweet blog, but I warn you, I may ramble on a bit.

I’ll summarise the events of the past weeks as topics:

Alton Towers

The night prior to our day excursion to Alton Towers I slept at my good friends, who I like to call M&S. It was Shelle’s birthday soon and they had planned the trip well in advance, so I booked into their makeshift hotel to make sure I was up on time and didn’t miss the limo. Yes, you heard me right, we travelled there in a limo. It was cramped, with not enough leg space, but it’s not every day you travel in style, so I made the most of it by fiddling with the onboard gadgets like revolving cocktail stand, radio, air conditioning and TV. It kept me amused for the long ride. The photo to the right is of me and Kev, who was a cool guy and is a new friend.

We got there and for some reason I left my coat in the limo. Bad idea, because as soon as we entered the theme park, the dark clouds came-a-rollin in. I was drenched from head to toe and quickly bought one of those plastic macs. The others quickly followed suit and we all toured the theme park looking like contraceptives. Soon after, seeing as though I was going through the several stages of pneumonia, I bought a hoodie from the store to keep me warm.

And guess what..... I actually enjoyed the rides..... well the ones I kept my eyes open on. Closing my eyes made them go by faster. The scariest one was the nemesis. OMG! Upside down, over and under, at blistering speeds, but only lasted about two minutes. Two minutes of sheer terror. The best was one called Air. It really felt like you were flying.... with screaming people behind you, which spoiled it somewhat, but I enjoyed it the most out of all of them. I had to take my glasses off for all of the rides, because I nearly lost them during the first ride we went on. Without them on, the rides were all a blur, which made me even dizzier and jelly legged at the end of them. Dont ask what is going on in the picture to the right. Its most probably the weirdest picture i've seen. Mike opted for the "fook you pose", Kev chose the "chaotic pose" and I.....well chose the "normal scream for your life pose". lol The girl in the pictures below is Kate, shes a cool chick and was insistant on helping me with my nerves on most of the rides. No chance of a romance there, shes taken and not my type anyway :P

The evening came and we made our way home. I had a nap in the limo because I was so tired. When we got back we had a little get together with some other friends which was a laugh. Met some friends I hadn’t seen in a while and made some new ones. A crazy day but one I’ll remember for a while.

Scotland

Hungover from a all day gig the previous day and not really wanting to move any more then a few inches in any direction and a total fear of having my retnas burned out from too much sunlight it was safe to say I wasn’t in no mood to travel thousands of miles up to Scotland that day, but travel we did. We packed everything up and set off really early. I sat up front due to my travel sickness, which I admit isn’t that bad now that I’m older, but to be on the safe side I did. Soon after we set off, I started to nod off, my head bobbing like the Churchill dog. I made a tactical decision to swap with Andy, who was sleeping in the back on the motor homes couch. I thereafter slept all the way there in bliss.

We got there and quickly settled into the caravan and met my dad’s girlfriend’s dad and brother who resided at the holiday caravan during the summer. Later that day and through the week Andy showed me the beautiful scenery and took me for walks to take photos. A few days later there was a major parade. The village of Innerleithan has an event called Games Week, where everyone gets involved to celebrate Saint Ronan. There were several parades through the little village, which I got plenty of pictures also.

Edinburgh Castle

Later on in the week, Andrew’s brother Graham joined our company and soon after his girlfriend and her friend. The others quickly paired up, which left me with my part time companion Ivory my pet Chiuaua. Safe to say I felt a bit lonely. As the week went on I got over it and decided to make the most of the week by drinking and all things related to what happens when you drink, messing about and general tomfoolery. There was a fair there where I participated in bumping everyone to a pulp on the dodgems and being thrown about on this whirling contraption which made my bottom sore. Good times...

The last day in Scotland, I stated to everyone present “I wanna go up that hill!” (the words that I will regret to this day as the hill turned out to be a mountain). I pointed to the biggest one in view. Andrew offered his services as a Sherpa to guide me up this massive hill. The purpose of this mission was mostly to get really good pictures of the surroundings and of the valley the village was in. We started off fine with confidence in every step, but as soon as we were half way up a steep bit, all confidence deteriorated as my legs started to burn and I breathed heavily for enough oxygen. I also noticed that flies had become attracted to my head, mostly due to my hair gel. Having caught my breath and with a new dire need to escape the flies, we set off again fighting through the pain barrier.

Upon reaching a path near to the top, I collapsed in agony. I’m not sure of the distance we trekked, but it seemed like a mile or so up a steep hill. I fell to the stony ground and lay there as flies constantly buzzed around my head. I hate flies at the best of times when there is only one, but with about 30 buzzing in and out of my ears, I felt the need to quickly solve this problem. Unfortunately, I made the problem worse. I doused my head with a full bottle of freezing water. This not only made my gel more attractive to the flies, but froze me to the bone. So..... we ran. We ran up this path searching to get rid of the flies. Eventually, they died down to just one or two and I took some great pictures.

We eventually reached a path down, which turned out to be a mountain bike trail. It seemed more inviting then Andy’s preferred route down, which was to run down a steep hill. The mountain bike trail was full of hidden holes and bumps, it took its toll on my legs, but was fun to run up and down the side of this mini mountain. We made it to the bottom and walked wearily home to the caravan. The day after we made our way home in our lovely motor home.

I'll leave it at that for now, but promise as soon as I have finished modding the rest of the 159 photos I took. I'll post up a slideshow of all of the best ones. Theres a few vids too.

See ya