I am Ironman.........no seriously i am......ok maybe not

Planning on going to see Ironman on Sat. I'm now minding kids overnight instead of Saturday day because Kay, my ex, is sleeping over at her parents because they are going to see Dancing on Ice Sunday and setting off early. Fair enough. Being the reasonable chap i am, i'm willing to help out. Might be a good time to reclaim some items i left behind, i.e. photos, CDs and other stuff.

But yea, IRONMAN. A film i've been waiting to see for some time now, over a year at least. Heres the trailer.

I kno, i kno, its a guys film. So what, i'm a guy ;¬)

Got a bit teary before, which is unlike me. Was talking to my m8 Mike, whos a solicitor where i work about his friend who had a heart attack at the weekend whilst at the wheel and whilst we were on topic, i started talking about my mum and how she had died of a heart attack 8 years ago. The funny thing was i could feel myself breaking down and a lump in my throat appeared. Does this mean i am not quite over it yet even after all these years?

I held it together after she died, maybe i coped with it too well. I didn't cry as much as the rest of the family, but just went into myself and stayed in my room losing myself in music and books. Maybe its just my emotions getting the best of me. I tend to lock them up whenever something doesn't go to plan and when things hurt me. They eventually come back to haunt me and then i feel overly emotional to the point of crying......no good, i've got this thing in my head that i need to be positive and stable all of the time. If i don't i'll end up being a drunk or doing something stupid, i know i won't but its probably just the fear of what might be. Psychiatrists call "my type" implosive. The worst kind i think.

Anyways, enough i tell myself for fear of bringing this day to be a gloomy day. The suns breaking through some clouds, could it be a sign? a sign that i should let my optimistic personality shine through the darkness inside....get me being all metaphorical.

Debt collectors were on the phone to me in work today, leaving me with no option but to talk about payment and stuff with them with ppl overhearing in work. How embarrasing. The debts to Orange, over £800. I said to them i couldnt afford it but they pestered me for money, the gits. Suppose i need to pay them to get them off my back. Agreed a monthly payment of £70, but they needed £10 now to show i'm serious about paying them back. Just what i need. Bit low on the fundage at the moment. Might have to ask my dad again for help. He makes me feel so guilty when i do.

I'm leaving this blog now before i get all angry over debt collectors, suckin me dry. My own fault, but hey, they suck.

update ya later!